Sorry again for not posting more regularly. I've been going through a bit of emotional upheaval and just haven't been able to post in the midst of it. (But I will post about it soon). It's just that sometimes, everything comes to a head all at once. And I do mean literally, every, last, little thing. All. At. Once. And I am in agony. It is the agony of running out of options. It is the jumping off point as we say in AA - it is the moment when you surrender, finally, completely and entirely. Why? Because you have run out of options. Have I? Run out of options?
The only solace is the fact that the most progress, spiritual and otherwise, follows on the heels of excruciating pain. I know because this has been my experience in sobriety. The greatest progress comes from the greatest pain.
At the AA meeting tonight, someone said something that stuck in my head. Well two things. That the fundamental point of Step 1 is to turn around and face it. That you have to walk into it, directly. And that you have to surrender to have any hope of grace.
Face it. Walk into it. If you are looking for me, I'm headed in that direction.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
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2 comments:
Ah yes.
Sounds familiar.
'Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?' or something like that..
'bludgeoned into humility by pain and unremitting suffering" ..i always liked that one. really gets to the point.
Well I hope this new perspective works for you in ways that former perspectives fell short.
Well we don't get to stand still. our neuroses come home to roost. or something... Never a dull moment in recovery!
I dunno, LAS. "La la la, I can't hear you" always worked pretty well for me.
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